Practical reference notes and real conversation examples. Choose a situation below — no form to complete. Adapt the language to the family and follow your setting’s procedures.
Keep conversations factual, respectful and confidential. Follow safeguarding procedures and never disclose information about other children.
Behaviour concerns
Key notes
Start with one observed fact, share a strength, invite the family’s perspective, and agree one realistic support action.
Example opening
“We have noticed that starting written work has been difficult this week. We also see how well they engage in practical lessons. What helps at home when something feels difficult?”
What to avoid
Avoid: “They are choosing to be difficult.”
Follow-up
Agree one adjustment, who will try it and a review date.
Attendance and EBSA
Key notes
Lead with curiosity about barriers, trusted relationships and achievable steps; do not promise rapid attendance increases.
Example opening
“We want school to feel more manageable. Which part of arriving feels hardest, and what would make the first ten minutes easier?”
What to avoid
Avoid: “They just need to come in.”
Follow-up
Agree an achievable arrival plan and review it with the pupil and family.
ALN and reasonable adjustments
Key notes
Describe the access barrier without suggesting an unconfirmed diagnosis. Listen to the family’s experience and review existing ALN plans.
Example opening
“We have noticed that unexpected changes can be difficult. What approaches have worked well, and what should we try consistently?”
What to avoid
Avoid: “They definitely have ADHD/autism.”
Follow-up
Record adjustments, named responsibilities and review arrangements.
Disagreement or complaint
Key notes
Listen without interrupting, distinguish agreed facts from disputed accounts, explain the complaints route where relevant.
Example opening
“I can hear that you are unhappy with how this was handled. I would like to understand your concerns fully before we agree the next step.”
What to avoid
Avoid: arguing, promising outcomes before checking, or discussing other pupils.
Follow-up
Summarise the concern accurately and confirm the next contact point.
Positive progress
Key notes
Make contact when things go well, not only when concerns arise. Use specific evidence.
Example opening
“I wanted to share something positive: today they stayed with a challenging activity and asked for help appropriately.”
What to avoid
Avoid: vague praise or comparing with other pupils.
Follow-up
Ask what the family has noticed and celebrate the next small step.
Safeguarding-sensitive conversations
Key notes
Follow your designated safeguarding lead and school policy first. Do not use a generic script where doing so could increase risk or compromise a referral.
Example opening
“I need to follow our safeguarding procedures so the right people can consider the concern and next steps.”
What to avoid
Avoid: promising confidentiality, investigating independently, or sharing unverified allegations.
Follow-up
Record factual information promptly in the approved safeguarding system.